Online DVD Rentals
Online DVD Rentals

December 30, 2009

The H Diet

I - have - got - it.

Do you want great abs and killer wellness? Well, do I have the new awesomest revolutionary fad diet for you. It's backed by science and doctors you've not heard of, and and has-been celebrities were even paid to say it works! It comes with a money-back guarantee if you act now.
You see, carbs were bad in the seventies and nineties, so you should have been eating a lot of protein then. Fatty food like bacon and low carb ice cream were fine so long as you missed the carbs. but then, suddently, if you lived during the 80's, eating fat made you fat. So hippopotamus-sized portions of carbs and anything else were fair game so long as there was no fat.
In the early part of this decade, balancing our meals with moderate portions of non-processed this and that was good and pretty doable. But those diets also stopped being trendy and/or we got tired of talking about the South Beach.
And now I give you THE diet of the new decade. It's totally natural and friendly to the earth and animals, except people. You will not get tooth decay or diabetes on this diet, and prep time is minimal.

Where all other fad diets fail when something new comes along, this one is sure to leave you wanting more. It's the hydrogen, people! Haven't you noticed? All that hydrogen is keeping us soft and unhawt and not buying especially overpriced engineered foods and supplements.
Yes - hydrogen, the same chemical element that brings us the hydrogen bomb and hydrogen monoxide is slowly wrecking our bodies.

I mean, do you want to put something that looks this sinister in your body? At the right is a fairly typical amino acid (which makes up protein) called glycine. Look at all those hydrogens! No wonder we can't achieve our goals of scrawny frailty.

Next check the simplest carbohydrate - good old glucose. Remember C6H12O6? Yipes, that's 12 hydrogens.
You'll be on the treadmill at least .2 seconds to burn all those hydrogens.

Simple triglycerides (fat) look like this:

Ooh, tri means three. So sorry, they're will be no eggs or cream cheese jello concoctions. Why bother tabulating mere grams of carbs, fat, or protein when the key to all your happiness lies in counting atoms? Details and dedication, people. Get the H out.
"You mean, hydrogen, like the balloon air for talking like the chipmunks?" -Pamela McBoobs
"I... I'm feeling kind of faint." Rachael Rae
"Terminate the H and your abs will be back." A. Schwarzenegger
"Wait. Doesn't water have hydrogen, er something?" Dr. Mumphry Schykster